“Should I call him Mr. Price or Paul?”
That question weighed heavily on my mind throughout my six-hour car ride from Ponte Vedra Beach to Key Largo in the spring of 2002.
“Get a grip dude. You are thirty-eight years old. You are about twenty years past calling anybody Mister.”
But my concern had some merit.
Besides likely meeting my future father-in-law, Mariana explained to me that her father was extremely intelligent and had enjoyed a very successful career as an executive at Quaker Oats.
And of course, one of my future brothers-in-law pounced on my fear of the question by telling me beforehand, “Nobody calls him Paul!’
“You better not pretend to spout any bullshit if he talks business to you. I got an idea! I will explain about electricity trading. No way he knows anything on that subject.”
As the famous saying goes, you never have a second chance to make a first impression, and, for better or worse, those first impressions stick.
After I found the home of Mariana’s parents that afternoon, I remember my heart pounding as I rang the doorbell.
Mr. Quaker Oats answered, I introduced myself and we shook hands.
“Patrick McGarry. Nice to meet you!”
“Paul Price. Welcome!”
“May I call you Paul?”
“You can call me Paul.”
Crisis settled.
Life After Work
Most companies do a decent job in the field of professional development for their employees.
Stuff like formal training and advanced education to help you develop talent and further your ability to add value to the organization.
But nobody really prepares you for the “Life After Work.”
Otherwise known as retirement.
Not exactly the focus of most Human Resource Departments.
You get the cake and the card and then you figure out the rest of your life.
In the absence of any formal preparation, all we can do is to turn and examine the retirement lives of our friends and family for some guidance.
I am blessed that my father-in-law has provided some excellent insight to retirement via his unique journey after Quaker.
Shortly after I became more familiar and comfortable with the dynamics of a large, proud Cuban family, I came to understand why nobody calls him Paul.
Papi and Abuelo are the two monickers associated with my father-in-law because they define a great deal of his life after work.
Time spent with Papi alone is unique and special for a few reasons.
Number one, when you have a private audience with him, you have all of him. For that period, you feel like you are the only person he cares about.
When he lets you in, when his sun shines on you, you feel warm and comfortable in his light.
Secondly, Papi is one of the best listeners that I ever met.
He listens to understand and learn, not to be understood. He does not like to sit in judgment.
When his corporate career occasionally appears in a conversation, you will note his deep humility.
He will likely express his gratitude for the people he worked with. He never flinches from discussing mistakes he owned and the lessons he learned.
When he retired from work at the age of 57, he took a stab at the role of adjunct professor as well as some time on a few Boards before he hit full gear in retirement.
Family & flyfishing.
Family and photography.
Family and studying investment opportunities.
Above all, Papi is an athlete.
Daily exercise of any type, tennis, bicycle riding, walking, hiking, are daily passions and largely explains why he dominated a recent family Pickle Ball tournament at 89 on a torn ACL.
Shortly after I met Papi, I distinctly remember a conversation and a comment he made to me.
“I never want to be the old guy who says back in my day, things were better. Because the truth is things are almost always getting better if you stop and think about it.”
Papi examines life in a pragmatic and positive manner.
Which is likely why he thrived so well in his many leadership roles during his professional career.
Time
As I enter the autumn of my life, I see one thing most clearly.
The greatest gift in life is time.
Time to do the things you want.
Time to spend with people you love.
Time to grab a coffee and go to the beach to watch a sunrise.
Time to stay curious about life.
Time to marvel and treasure the present and the gift of fatherhood provided by your wife.
Time goes by quickly and no amount of money can buy you some more.
Through his life after his professional career, my father-in-law has offered an insight into the possibilities of life after work.
He would never prescribe his way is the best way or the only way.
But he will always be there to find time and listen to your thoughts, concerns, and questions.
I am blessed that I got a chance to move quickly beyond calling my father-in-law Paul not because it was expected or required of me to settle into my new family.
Rather, because it was an honor to do so. To be so comfortable with doing so.
To do so in the hope that I could be that type of man who was respected by his family because of how he made you feel in his presence.
Papi and Abuelo is indeed a role to aspire to.
Excellent use of time indeed.